Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Hiding is Not fun

Unless you're playing hide and go seek with 10 of your friends.

Hit rock bottom a couple of days ago. Felt pretty horrible, but pain is the best teacher. Had some revelations recently.

You need people in your life. Its stupid to try to get through it on your own when there are so many nice people around. I've been feeling sorry for myself that i've been lonely, nobody wants to do what i wanna do, etc. But was I doing anything about my loneliness? Not at all. There are so many ways to deal with loneliness. I posted an ad on Craig's list to find musicians to play with and i've gotten some replies. I looked for bipolar meetup groups in Toronto and there is a meeting coming up soon. I've been walking the streets looking for a job and have met some nice people (and got a really shitty job, but i'm feeling pretty humble right now).

Bottom line: If you want something you have take the initiative and not give up when you keep failing. Lets say you look for a boyfriend/girlfriend on the internet and it takes you 5 years to find someone you really like that likes you back. Was it worth it? Probably.

You can't just say and do what you want all the time if you want to have friends. I just had this phase where i pretty much just gave up on life. I was like: "Fuck this, i'm sick and there is nothing i can do about so i'll just do whatever i want and people should understand". That's just retarded. When you're mentally ill you can't control everything you do everyday, but you can control 95% of it. Use yur brain. What's the problem? What would a smart person do about it? I have damaged somer elationships and now I have to fix them. If people see that you're trying, they'll give you another chance, but they won't give you 8 chances so stop being a selfish dumbass. Friends that don't understand you are better than no friends at all. In my experience, people just get mental illness and i would just keep it too myself. However, if you feel like you're going to die or really need help you should tell someone you trust and respect.

If you give up on yourself it is nobody's fault but your own.

Hope you're doing well. Are really trying as hard as you can?

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